Chapter 43

She pulled the old box down from the closet shelf, amazed at how well it had held up through the moves. It was special to her, the old box. She hadn’t opened it in nearly fifteen years, but she never went anywhere without it. Moving back to the bed she settled herself yoga style and prepared to be inundated with memory. Opening it slowly, she reached in and pulled out a small fuzzy bear. Damn it hadn't even gotten moth eaten in all this time.

She held it too her and inhaled, a strange sort of smile sliding onto her lips. "DB. I thought I'd lost ya forever." Dorkybear, he'd thrown so many silly damn balls at that fair wanting to get the big bear but ending up with this one. Hell she'd slept with DB on her pillow for months. Turning, she gently laid the little brown bear on her pillow then turned back to the box.

Faded flowers, ticket stubs, macaroni necklaces, everything that could be a treasure to a fifteen year old girl sifted through her fingers, and each piece held a memory attached to a brown eyed younger man. She slowly reached the bottom of the box and pulled out the faded photo album, her heart starting to clench. This was going to be way too hard. She went to open the book and stopped, considering just shoving it back in its safe spot. Sometimes memories weren’t meant to be revisited, even years later.

Shannon thought hard about what Jon said 'just ask her'. Would it be that damn simple? She sighed and cleaned up the mess from the late breakfast. She took a deep breath. She was stalling that was what she was doing. She so did not want to have a confrontation again but she knew if she didn't at least try Jon would probably brain her silly instead of fuck her and she certainly didn't want that. With a sigh she placed the last dish in the drainer and headed towards Mel's room. She knocked softly on the door half hoping she'd be passed out from the damn dope brownies.

She studied the book intently, then dared to open the front cover. There before her eyes was a picture of her parents, with their "three kids" around them. God Shay was the cutest little thing, crawling up the Dorks leg, and of course her, standing beside him her skinny arm sticking up holding the rabbit ears above his head.

She heard the rapping then, her finger brushing over the picture. "Come in."

Shannon opened the door and peeked in "um... you uh... ok?"

She closed her eyes a moment then turned to study her sis, "Sure Shan, I'm ok." Ok so her head still felt cottony and with the right cross-eyed look she might laugh her ass off, but she was ok. "Whatcha need?"

Shannon looked at all the things surrounding Mel on the bed, and stepped into the room "What's all that?"

Her lip half quirked upwards, "Memories."

"Of what?" she walked to the bed and curiously peered at the open photo book. "Is that me??"

"Yeah that’s you, I think you were like three at the time."

Her eyes widened. She had her arms wrapped around Richie's leg just above his knee and he was looking down at her with an annoyed expression. Melanie was standing on the other side of him, between him and their parents giving him rabbit ears. "No shit........ " she said incredulously as she plopped herself on the bed.

Mel nodded, "no shit."

She reached over and turned the page. So many photos, all of Richie, some with Mel in them some with other people Shannon didn't recognize, even a few more with her toddler blonde self seeming to annoy the both of them. "Why didn't you tell me??"

She glanced up at Shannon, confused, "tell ya what sis? That I knew some dorky kid in my hometown?"

"No dummy!" she scowled "That you and him .... were....ya know!! You had me believing you were sister fuckin Mary!"

Her brow arched as the bewilderment grew. "That we were, ya know, WHAT? Jesus Shannon, make sense."

"Geesh Mel sometimes you’re just so..."She sighed, " That ya'll had some kinda THING going, ya know what were ya anyhow? Boyfriend/girlfriend? Lovers? Fuck buddies??"

She felt the blood rush from her face at the anger in her sister's voice. "We were friends, We, well we fought a lot, and laughed a lot, but we were friends. Once mom moved us he wasn't a friend anymore. End of Story. Things changed. Simple to understand really."

"Liar. Nothing’s simple with you anymore. " She eyed her sister and groaned. "If it's that simple then why the hell are you suddenly Miss Jeckyl and Hyde?"

Her hand slid back and grabbed onto trusty DB, her body beginning to tremble. "Not lying Shannon. It's just not that simple to explain."

She pushed the photo album off her lap and stood, her heart beginning to hammer in her chest. Moving to the window she stared out at the backyard, and watched ghosts of memories in the backyard. Taking a deep breath she started to talk. "We moved here when I was like five I think, kindergarten started that year and there was this kid there. He was, well tall for his age. They put him behind me and he kept pulling my hair."

She turned to watch Shannon, "Low and behold the devil lived next door and we ended up being friends. He was, even then, kinda unique. He'd make me so mad, steal my doll my bike, make me fall over something then he'd look at me with that grin and I'd start laughing."

She shook her head, "We became friends and oh man the fun we had. Never a dull moment. He’d come up with some hair brained idea, I’d follow him with it and then get in trouble. He’d claim it was my fault and we’d fight. Then suddenly, well he’d do something to make me smile. Next time I’d be the one with the idea and it would start all over. Make it his fault.” A slight smile played on her lips as she remembered.

Shannon listened, a slight smile on her face, based on all she’d seen and the little she remembered from her childhood it began to make sense. She could actually picture the people in the pictures doing what Mel described. Her sister’s next words had her eyes widening.

“Then dad died.. "

She took a deep breath and began to shake in earnest, "He died and Mom got all weird and I was left taking care of you. Hell I barely went to school ok? One night he came by, Rich that is, he had borrowed his friend’s car. Shan he was fifteen and driving without a license cuz his friend needed to escape reality."

"We went to Anderson’s Pond. I started to cry, he started to hold me and..." She couldn't say it, she didn’t want to, it was her memory damn it all. Looking at the shocked expression on her sister's face she pulled it up tight and forced herself to keep talking. "He was trying to comfort me and cuz we loved? Hell liked? Shit ok whatever it was we felt, it sorta changed, and well I came home a little less innocent than before. After that, things sort of went weird on us, I tormented him worse, he got distant and more into his music.”

She turned back to the window her voice nearly nonexistent. She didn’t know how to explain the rest without making Rich out to be worse than he had been. She’d seen now that a lot of it was her own misconceptions. "Then mom moved us suddenly. I died that day inside. Nothing mattered. You got what's left of me to raise you. I’m sorry bout that."

Shannon didn't know what to say. She couldn't imagine. Feelings like that for someone.... or could she? "That's why... that’s why you made sure I'd stay away from guys and why you hated music..."

She sighed, her head dropping slightly, "He got lost in it and forgot me. Everything I was didn't matter. And every time I heard certain music, especially guitar well it made me remember. I had to shut it all out. I had to do that to stay on top of things. Then we came back and it was like someone had ripped all the damned bandages off of the mummy, I could breathe again."

She moved to the bed and knelt down, one hand reaching out to brush Shannon’s cheek. "I'll give that up though, go back to what ever it was you think is normal, if that’s what it takes Shan, You're all I got left, I can't hurt you."

Give it all up? Normal? Her sister’s words echoed through her skull. Melanie had a second chance at love? True love not just some flash in the pan feeling of lust and she wanted to give it all up to make HER happy? "You'll do no such thing Melanie!" She almost yelled.

Mel tilted her head, a wry grin crossing her lips. "Sure I can, it's the right thing to do right? You aren’t handling how I am, you want what you know, normal old boring Mel right? Only way I can maintain that is to push everything back down. That means making him go ok? It has to be done, it’s the only way. Just, when he comes back, tell him it was fun, and good luck with the music ok?" She pushed up and started pushing things back into the box, laying the album on top. "Go on, Jon will be back soon I'm sure. Just tell Richard I went to sleep or whatever you want. Just.. I need to be alone now ok?"

"No I will not!!!" Shannon finally yelled. "It's about time you stopped spending all your time worrying about me and actually did something for yourself for a change damn it! You need to cut the strings Mel and let me live so you can live!!"

"It's ok, I won't stop you from seeing Jon or well being grown up. It's ok baby, It's your time to fly. Just tell him what I said ok?" She moved to the closet and pushed the box up onto the shelf and to the back. "Go on, get ready. The store isn’t that far away."

"NO!" she stood and took Mel’s shoulders actually shaking her. "Will you PLEASE just......" she huffed in frustration. This was not what she wanted, not at all.

"Go Shannon, Just go ok?" She needed to be alone, she had to prepare, she had to get it buried, get the door locked. She could let Shannon go, let her fly, but she knew deep inside her quirky behavior wasn't helping. It was time to grow up again and let the goofy go. "Just go sis."